August 25, 2009

Today my heart is heavy. Today a few will gather to honor a soldier. Today marks the first anniversary of the loss of a solider, a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a friend. Captain John L. Hallett, III was an outstanding, hardworking and loving man.

He could swim like a fish. He loved to cook (and thankfully was equally as good at putting out fires). That Vidalia Onion will get you every time, John! He had a smile that could light up a room. He LOVED his wife. There was a passion there that is unmatched in most relationships.

John loved to organize! We met John and Lisa at Fort Benning, GA in 2005 and from the time we met John he was "organizing my music". I never knew exactly what that meant, but it was serious business! When we all moved to Fort Polk, LA in 2006, John was still "organizing my music". I'm certain John never finished organizing his music because honestly, I don't think that would have been finished even if John had lived to be 90 years old. John loved the label maker. If you go into the Hallett home today, you can find all the places John labeled things, in the kitchen especially. If John was here, he would spend a whole weekend reorganizing the kitchen because last time I was there, not everything was in its place! He also had a hidden talent of rapping Too Short songs. I didn't even know John knew language like that, but he was so serious about it. We were all shocked at first and then laughing so hard we had tears rolling down our faces. The Halletts loved throwing dinner parties and welcoming their friends into their home. We shared many tasty dinners with the Halletts, and I wish we could have those days back.

John has left behind a beautiful and strong wife, Lisa and their three children, Jackson 4, Bryce 2, and precious Heidi 1. John never held Heidi in his arms, but I can only imagine the way he would look at her pictures. I saw him with Jackson as an infant and went to the hospital when Bryce was born, and he loved holding those babies! I'm certain his heart ached every time he looked at Heidi's picture wishing he was there to enjoy his only daughter. Heidi is a very special girl, and she will know her Daddy's love even though he is no longer standing by her side.

John, your service was honorable, your mission was intended to bring medicine to a village that was sick and you never made it there. The insurgents took you, the other soldiers and that medicine away from sick people. They have taken so much, from so many. You gave your life for the people of that village, and the Americans who are so thankful. I am grateful to have known you, John. Thank you for the blessing of your family, they enrich my life greatly. I will continue to stand by Lisa and be there for her and your three children. I won't let her down, John. You can count on me.

One More Goodbye to the Army

On July 21, 2001 I became an Army wife. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but the Officer...well he was worth whatever it meant to be an Army wife.

It was a challenging, exciting, unpredictable, lonely, confidence building and unforgettable experience. The Army taught both of us what we were made of, how tough you can be, how far you can push yourself and how far you will go to be with the people you love. I am the woman that I am, the wife that I am and the mother that I am, because of the Army. I am tougher than I ever thought. I'm more self-sufficient than I ever thought and it makes me proud. Much of my identity, if not all of it, was being an Army wife.

We separated from the Army on October 8, 2008, a date I will never forget. On that day we became civilians. I had no idea what a departure that would be from who I had become. I felt, and still feel sometimes, that people don't understand me because civilian people can't understand where I've been. No civilian woman has put her husband on a blue school bus, kissed him through the open window and wonder if she would ever kiss his lips again. How does any woman find the strength to let that man go? We should all be hanging on their legs like two year olds, begging them not to leave. The memory makes me cry, right now, because that is such an impossible and powerful moment in my life.

Deployment, probably more than anything, changed me. We didn't have children at the time, so my mentality was different. I would always think, "I guess if he doesn't come home, at least he's not leaving children behind that won't know their Dad. I could make it through, I would just keep living, somehow." I had to mentally drive on, and make my day count and pretend like I didn't have my hand gripped around my phone every minute of the day, waiting for a phone call to say he'd lived through another 24 hours in theater.

Throughout the past 2 years, I have slowly been letting go of being an Army wife. Trying to decide who I am and how I need to adjust from Army wife to normal civilian person has been a struggle. I have missed the Army and the incredible friendships I developed. On the other hand, I can't imagine dealing with another deployment. As I continue to struggle with the transition, my last physical connection of being an Army wive was taken away today. My windshield is cracked and getting replaced this afternoon. My Fort Polk, LA window stickers had to be taken off the windshield. The tags have been expired for nearly a year, but there was something in me that wouldn't take them off. As I was peeling them off the windshield, I thought about how ironic it is that I waited as long as possible to put those stickers on my car because I didn't want to deface my beautiful, new car with ARMY stickers!! Little did I know how much my life would revolve around those stickers and the community that they represent. I have always thought that once an Army wife, always an Army wife. My husband might not be an active Army Officer anymore, but I am still proud as ever of my soldier. I am equally as proud of his wife, and what the kind of person that the Army has helped me become. This is my official departure from the Army, what a weird feeling.

I'm STUCK! ...yes, again.

Let me just preface this by saying I did NOT do this to him, I did NOT witness him doing this to himself...all I know is that it happened and it is real.

So we are planning this most excellent trip to Lake Shasta, CA with some fantastic friends. In preparation for the fun boating times, we bought Tucker a lifejacket. He is not a swimmer, not comfortable in the water and we will probably have some serious challenges ahead in the lake. So when we bought this lifejacket, I did not pack it away in the garage on purpose. I wanted to leave it out where he could look at it, ask questions about it and try it on if he wanted to. So every day, since buying the lifejacket, he has asked me to put it on him. I'm thinking, "This is exactly what I was hoping for! Positive interest in the lifejacket! Maybe, just maybe, he won't be as hysterical on the boat as I think he will be". So on about the 5th day of having the lifejacket in the house, I hear Tucker calling me from the other room saying that he is "stuck". He doesn't sound freaked out, he's not crying...in fact, oddly enough, he sounds quite calm. I walk into the living room and find this. He has somehow straightjacketed himself into the lifejacket, but only one arm! I don't even know how you do this. I was laughing so hard. He doesn't even expect me to rush to get him anymore, he just waits for the flash of the camera.

Lincoln City, Oregon

We took a great trip to Lincoln City, Oregon to meet up with some friends of mine from the college days! It was great to see everyone again and really amazing how 10 years can go by without seeing someone but the friendship picks up right where it left off. I'm thinking about crashing your annual beach trip from now on...the kids and I had a blast!!!

The boys! Tucker is flying a kite and everyone is trying to get their hands on it next!

Hillary and her beautiful daughter, Brindley.

Addie and Cameron! I love what a ham he is!

Addie and Tucker giving me their best posed smiles

Wedding Photos...Finally!

Well it's almost exactly a month late, but I finally got the scanner up and running! Here are a few wedding photos! The first one is not long after we saw each other for the first time on our wedding day, the next photo is of my Dad walking me down the aisle and the last one is Matt and I signing our wedding license. And the first picture is supposed to be tilted, it's not a scanner/operator problem!

The Story of Tami and the Suicidal Salsa

I went to Costco for THIS salsa. I get home, park in the driveway and open up the back. SPLAT. WTF. Salsa, my favorite salsa, on my feet, in my hair, on my shirt, on my legs, on my driveway.. not in my mouth. So I do what any Mom would do, I grab the frisbee out of the back of my car and I start scooping salsa, sticks, rocks and whatever other remnants are on my driveway into my Ultimate Frisbee. Then I have to use the hose to wash myself, my clothes and my driveway clean of salsa. Is this really my life? I use a frisbee to clean salsa off the driveway? Oh yeah, and I ruined my favorite race shirt with splattered salsa. Sad times. I want my six bucks back!