Monday, August 31, 2009

A Dear John Letter, of a different kind.

Dearest Captain John L. Hallett III,

I am writing this to you as a way to deal with what has happened. I can't begin to express how sad I am to know that you are gone. I am sad for your parents and brothers. I am sad for your unit who lost their leader. I am heartbroken for your beautiful, strong, and passionate wife, Lisa. I know, without doubt, you were her first love. You were her priority. You were her rock. You are, and always will be, hers. I nearly fall to pieces every time I think of your three beautiful children. They look like you John. They all do. You will be dearly missed, forever. Your children have really missed out on a opportunity to know a wonderful Daddy who would have led by example about how to love, lead and support a family the way you did.

I have never personally known a soldier to deploy and not come home. I know this happens every day, but never to me. You have changed me John. What has happened to you, has changed me. I am changing the way I look at that soldier's face in the paper. He's not just a face, another soldier. He is a son, husband, father, friend. I used to think that thinking of every soldier like that, so personally, would make you never read the paper or watch the news, too depressing. But John, they are just as real, just as loved and just as gone as you are. Now, I really look into the eyes of those faces in the paper and wish they were here just as much as I wish that for you. I know, now, what a loss that is for the family and friends of that soldier. I'm sorry to all the other brave soldiers who I have passed too quickly over their stories, never really looked at their faces, and never felt that deep sense of thankfulness for their service. But I do now, John. Thank you for that change in me.

I have not been taking deployments seriously. I have taken for granted that every soldier that I know who has deployed, has come home safe to his family and friends. I have not been writing the letters, sending the pictures and mailing snacks the way I should have been. You have taught me that this is not something to put off. I have already written one letter to our friend, who is in Iraq, since your passing. I'm gathering addresses of our other friends who are deployed. I will send letters. I will send the packages. I will, from now on. I will not make the foolish assumption that everyone gets their happily-ever-after redeployment ceremony with flag-waving family, friends, and children. Not all soldiers get to hear the band play while they march their last formation with the brothers they made in that war zone.

I feel tremendously guilty. Guilt beyond measure. This is guilt I've been dealing with since we separated from the Army. In the Army, there is a deep sense of brotherhood...but there is a opposite and equal force behind the Army known as the Army Wife. As an Army Wife, you will do anything for another Army Wife. You know who she is, without knowing a thing about her. The only thing you really need to find out is if any of your friends from previous posts are friends with her...because it's very likely. When you leave the Army, John, there is guilt. There is guilt for leaving the team. There is guilt for leaving your brothers and sisters (soldiers and spouses) of the Army to fight the good fight without you. I feel like we have left you and Lisa to fight the fight. You gave all to the fight. It's like there's a part of me that feels responsible for that. If we had stayed in, maybe Matt would have been on your flank...for better or worse. It's like this, I feel guilty that Lisa has to deal with all this and I don't have to. I know you would never wish us to go through this, John, but I can't help but wonder if this would have been us if the Army had given us Lewis like we so desperately wanted. We would have been right there with you.

You were only deployed a short time and your unit only had command about 2 weeks before you gave all. You must have been so excited and filled with pride to be leading your men as the Company Commander. Matt never got the opportunity to be in command, and I know it's the highlight of a Captain's duties. I'm sure your leadership, paired with compassion, made you a strong commander. It's a shame that the Army has lost a strong and dedicated soldier like you.

However, it's even more tragic that your wife and children have lost the commander of their
family.

You have left a hole in Lisa's heart that will never be filled. Your precious, beautiful, innocent children will not remember what a wonderful Husband and Daddy that you were. They will never get to do all the father/son and father/daughter rights of passage that we all take for granted. You were a great Daddy and your children will know your love through Lisa. I was at your house many times when you would come home from a long day, or even an entire week out in the field. You would come through the door, kiss Lisa, take off those stinky boots and lay on the floor, ACUs, dirt and sweat, and play with Jackson. You would play with him until you literally feel asleep right there on the floor. You gave your family every last bit of energy that the Army let you go home with. At the end of a long, hot, dusty, sweaty day in Louisiana, you still managed to make your family your first priority.

I will never forget the look on your face when you introduced me to your second son, Bryce.
YOU were laying in the hospital bed holding a bundle of blankets while Lisa was making herself beautiful in the bathroom. Jackson was running laps around the hospital room with handfuls of crackers trailing behind. You had a cheesy grin on your face like you had been caught lounging around, but the light in your eyes was unmistakable. You loved being a Daddy. That was something that nobody could deny. You were a great Daddy, John.

You gave your wife beautiful children, a loving home, and memories that she will cherish all the days of her life. You are everything that Lisa ever wanted. You should feel very proud.

Sacrifice, Service, Courage and Love. These are the words that I think of when I remember you. You have sacrificed everything. Your service went beyond all of our expectations and desires, yet we know you gave your life for the love of Army and our great country. Courage to leave your warm, loving home to fight, knowing you may never come home. Love. Your lasting legacy.

Thank you, John. Your life has changed mine, for the better. I appreciate your service, sacrifice, courage and bravery. You will be missed, but never forgotten.

With Gratitude,
Tami

John, Bryce and Jackson Hallett

Bryce, John and Jackson

Jackson, John, Lisa (pregnant with Heidi Vi) and Bryce
John's deployment day

John in Afghanistan

Heidi Vi Hallett. She was born August 2, 2009, just 23 days before John died. He never got to meet her. I think this is the most heartbreaking. John never smelled the sweet scent of his only daughter, never will get to be the first man to give her a bouquet of flowers, or watch her grow to be just like her wonderful Mommy.
Dearest Heidi Vi,
Your Daddy loved you beyond measure. I know this is true because your Mommy and Daddy always talked about how much they wanted a baby girl. I met your parents just after they had your biggest brother, Jackson. Even then, they knew they wanted a baby girl. Just to tell you how much they wanted you, I knew your name long before you ever were. They always wanted their little Heidi Hallett, and here you are beautiful. I know you will make your Daddy very proud and know just how proud he was to be a Daddy to his little girl.
To all of you reading this, take this with you in your heart from now on. Remember these tears. Remember this sadness when you start to fight with your spouse, when your kids are driving you bonkers, and when you see a soldier's face in the paper or on the news.

Friday, August 28, 2009

2 Things for 2 Friends

These are my wonderful friends Jen and Anna who used to live down the street from me in Hawaii, and now live far away from me. It makes me sad they live far away, but it makes me happy that they live near each other.
1. Yeah for Ya'll! Thank you so very, very much for the funny stories and happy thoughts. I needed them today and as always, you came through. I love you both dearly and miss you somethin' serious. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendship that has endured the time and miles. That is true friendship. Miss you, Friends.


2. Yeah for iphones!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Open Mic Debut

A few mornings ago we woke up to some rain coming down so the go-to plan of taking fired up kids to the zoo was
totally shot down! Quick! Come up with your sanity plan for the day. Keeping these kids in the house will only drive you
to the brink of a major meltdown...kids and mommy! So I found a child friendly cafe called Airplay Cafe. They had a
musician scheduled to play from 12-1pm and we were going! After the performance, he left the mic open for kids to
show off a little bit....here's what happened!
Tucker's Open Mic Debut

Addie is 14 Months Old!

Addie is now 14 months old! It's so crazy how fast she is growing up and how the time is flying by. She is the best baby EVER...except when she is teething! She is very bright, but of course I would say that because what mother doesn't think that their kid is the smartest, cutest and best behaved?
These top 2 pictures were recently taken at a park. The second pictures is Addie's smile, I guess? It looks silly. The third pic is Addie wearing my bikini top and thinking that his hilarious! The only thing funny about my bikini is the fact that I'm a mother of two and still think I have the right to wear a bikini!! ha ha ha! I should really revisit the idea that bikinis, among other garments, are a privilege not a right! I guess in my defense, I have a long torso and one piece bathing suits pull on my shoulders and crotch, and let's just talk about how uncomfortable that is!? I should really reel myself back in...this update is about Addie not her mother and how she is crazy and neurotic.
The video at the bottom is Addie at the park proving what a big girl she is now! She climbed the stairs and went down the slide...ALL BY HERSELF!



Addie is a wonderful communicator! She is saying words and signing...here is the rundown of what she can do/say. I have been trying to get videos of her signing and talking for about a week now, but whenever she sees the camera she just "smiles" and then runs at me. Pretty soon I'm going to be forced to just post that video to prove I've been trying!

WORDS: Mama, Dada, "Aah-da" Addie, "Tutu" Tucker, "Bo" our dog, "Batbah" my Stepdad, "Nana" my Mom, "Am-mah" Grandma Michele...Matt's Mom, duck, I swear today she said "pretty", she has her version of diaper "ahper", "uuh-pah" is up, "uh duh" all done, "bye bye", "bebe" baby, "shh" shoe, "eeeye" eye with an exaggerated long i sound, "at tu" thank you, and there is something that I can't phonetically spell that she uses consistently to respond to us telling her "I love you". It's not really a sign or a word, but when you say goodbye to Addie she blows kisses instead of waving goodbye!

SIGNS: please, thank you, more, all done, dog, cat, bird, duck, hat, flower, ball, eat, cheese, milk, water, and fish.

Addie has 9 teeth and is cutting another one probably tomorrow. She is getting her teeth in a really weird order and her bottom left incisor is super crooked! Hello orthodontics! At her 1 year appointment she was 20 lbs and 28 inches long. That's 30th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for height. She is a huge blessing and I can't imagine not having her in my life.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Happy Blogaversary!

The title is in honor of my one year Blogaversary! I felt inspired by one of my favorite TV shows, you may have heard of it, Friends. It's the one where Chandler and Monica are going to Vegas for their anniversary and Monica says things like, "Happy AnniVegasary!" Then when they are on the plane she says it's their Plane-aversary...so this MY Blogaversary!!!

So one year ago I wrote a small and seemingly insignificant blurb, not realizing the impact it would make on my life. I have never been a good journal writer and thought this blog would end up the same way, half written. I have completely forgotten about this blog at times, and other times I have been so addicted to it that I wake up in the morning thinking about what I can take a picture of so I can blog about it.

I am thankful for this blog because the photos and details in the writing are way more than I could ever dream of for the kids' baby books (which are a sad, incomplete mess). My friend told me that I can have my blog made into a book, which sounds like a fabulous way to have "fake-it-till-you-make-it" baby books! I will just have to tell Tucker and Addie that publishing my blog was my plan all along...although I guess I just ratted myself out!

Who am I now? I am different than I was a year ago. I'm going to say that's a good thing because I believe that someone who has been through all that I have in the last year couldn't possibly be stagnant in growth. A year ago, I was a proud Army wife...well and I sort of feel like once an Army wife, always an Army wife. We were living with Matt's mom and preparing ourselves for the big leap of faith that we would take in October when we decided to get out of the Army. At that time, Addie was just a few weeks old and I was adjusting to life with two little ones.
October came and went with NO job prospects for Matt. We went 10 months without employment. Matt finally got the call we'd been praying for and he went back to work in the beginning of July. It is a wonderful job and we look forward to watching Matt grow in his new career.
As for how all of his has changed me, well I know for sure that what does not kill you, only makes you stronger and that God will give you every last thing you need, at just the exact moment you need it...and not a SECOND sooner!!! I know the unemployment was in the plan too because it really changed me and Matt, for the better.
I have learned so much about myself this year. Through this blog, I have discovered that I like writing, and according to a few of my readers, I might be kinda good at it too! I have rediscovered all the ways that the Army made me the woman that I am. For better or worse, I am headstrong, get what I want, tell people what I think, I have a strong sense of independence, and I stand up for myself and what I believe in, and I love, love, love my family and friends.
Unlike last August, I am certain I will keep up this blog. I enjoy this quiet time that I am able to reflect on all the chaos that goes on during the day.
Thank you to all of my blog-a-rific readers that encourage me to keep writing and sharing. Happy First Blogaversary Everybody!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Unqualified

We are staying out at my Mom and Dan's house for a few days for a change of pace and some good old fashion country livin'! All the green grass, tall trees and deer always gives my patients and perspective on life a fresh start. So this morning Dan left for work, a little while later my Mom went to work too. As my Mom shut the door, Tucker looks at me and says, "Uh Oh Mommy. Who's going to watch us now?"

Apparently the title "Mommy" doesn't qualify you to watch your own children after Nana and Batbah watched them the night before.

This just happened and was so funny! Tucker is watching a cartoon and a commercial comes on for a automatic tooth paste dispenser....

""I want Touch N Brush. I don't want my tooth paste anymore! I need a Touch N Brush." My kid is a marketing executive's dream come true! The other thing that he LOVES and acts like he might not make it through the day when he sees the commercial is Bend-a-Roos. I think they are wax covered pipe cleaners. Why can't I think of a product that kids think they can't live without? I could use a little extra cash.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tommy and Sara's Wedding


This past weekend my brother married the most amazing woman! I got a new sister and she is perfect for my brother. The wedding was extremely beautiful and tons of fun! I didn't take very many pictures so I will have to wait for the professional pictures to get some prints but here are a few that I did take!

Stripper Up!

I am WAY behind on blogging...so a few weeks ago my new sister-in-law had her bachelorette party! We started off the night with some pole dancing lessons! Now I didn't look good doing it, but with my competitive spirit and some determination I went upside down on the pole! Oh yeah baby, and I have pictures to prove it! Enjoy!

This is our instructor!
You like the stripper shoes I borrowed?
The whole gang of strippers!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

You're Welcome.

Today Tucker told me that God lives in a book. I tried to explain that's not the case and he insisted that God lives in a book. So there you go. I have failed at teaching my child about God. You're welcome, Jesus. I hope I can do better in the future. Maybe Addie won't think that God is a fictional character that we read about in books.