I haven't slept more than 3 consecutive hours for about a week now and it's really starting to hinder my ability to be optimistic. I love optimism. I love thinking about the silver lining, not the dark, heavy rainy clouds that are all around. I want to see the glass half-full, even if it only has a few drops hanging on for dear life. I want to, I really really do...but lack of sleep does a doosey on your ability to think straight, be happy, even-tempered and be delightful to be around. So here it goes...Optimistic Tami....fighting off the foot-hold that exhaustion has on me.
I love my children more than I could have ever imagined possible. I could spend every minute of every day thanking God for the precious miracles he has given me, and it still wouldn't be enough. I am eternally thankful that He has given me these children who are alive and well and have the ability to wake up in the middle of the night to call out for me. I am thankful that they sleep through the night and wake up breathing and smiling in the morning. I'm also thankful that they call on me, as their mother, to love and comfort them when they are sad, scared or hungry. I am proud of myself that my children find comfort in me, because that makes me feel like I've done something right. I might be a grouch the next day, but deep in my heart I know how thankful I am that I have these kids. Even if they are sucking every last bit of energy and sanity I have, I would have it no other way.
So this is my half-full statement, I will be checking in on this post now and then, just to remind me that no matter how many times I wake up at night, these days will pass and one day I will look back and wish I had my babies under my roof again, wanting them to want me like they do today. One day, probably not too far in the future, I will miss this. As frustrated as I can be, I know I will miss this.
3 comments:
I SO remember when I was where you are right now!! How exhausting it truly is...how hard it is to function and be that GREAT mom you know deep down in your heart that you are. Sleep deprivation is a true form of torture, and the only piece of advice I have is to hang on for dear life. Because this too shall pass (not soon enough but it really does) and then about 1 year from now you'll look back on it as a distant memory. It's so hard while you're in it tho, I'm sorry!! Hang in there...you're perfectly right about all your blessings ;-)
Oh Tami, I'm so sorry!! I didn't sleep for more than four hours in a row for over a year (and that was a good stretch), so I SO know how it is too!! That sucks!! And I think you're a great mother, and not the least bit less because you might want more sleep. It is truly torture...
Love your attitude! I was just singing along with Burl Ives today, "Watch the donut not the hole."
I'm already tearing about mine growing up. T and A are getting ID cards this April!
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