Thankful with guilt

Today I'm feeling very thankful with lots of guilt.  Let me explain.  We are a family who has very recently separated from the military.  As our first Veterans Day as civilians came and went, I felt very thankful to those who are currently serving our great country but with lots of conflict in my heart.  We have very few friends that are not military and we have several friends who are currently serving our country overseas.  I feel incredibly humbled by the families who "hold down the fort" while their spouse goes on the most honorable and dangerous mission.  I have been that spouse on the other end, waiting for the phone call, email or anything to hold on to that gives me proof that Matt was safe for just one more day.  I feel grateful beyond measure to these soldiers and their strong and supportive families.  I feel guilty.  Our separation from the military has made the burden on the other families, my friends, greater due to the loss of just one more soldier in the fight.  I feel bad having left, and leaving my friends to send their husbands off on an airplane, hoping to get their two precious weeks of R&R and praying for a "short" deployment of ONLY 12 months.  I have friends who have had babies without their husbands there, friends who have seen their first born via email photos for the first time.  I have friends who don't come back the same way they left.  Matt had friends who never came back at all.  But I also have friends who document, what seems to be, every moment of her and her son's life to post to a blog so her dedicated Soldier husband can live like he is at home for the time he reads that blog.  I have friends who pick up the pieces and carry on like nothing is wrong for the sake of the kids, when she feels like this deployment will never end.  Military wives are like none other, and I'm so thankful and proud to be in the ranks of women that I have met over the last 7 years.  These women and their families are SOLID.  These soldiers who are loving husbands, playful daddies and tough leaders, deserve more respect than most of you even realize.  I hope that you take the time to thank a veteran, whether it's November 11th or not, because they are the reason you can sleep in your warm and toasty bed at night without worries.  Thank you JR, Scott and Troy for your current time overseas.  Stay safe, we think of you often and can't wait to celebrate your redeployment.  To our countless other friends and family, Thank You for your service to our great country.