Hemmed Up

This is one of those blogs I should have posted in September, but didn't. Tucker was messing around and got a pool diving ring stuck just above his knees! Yes, that's how skinny this little dude is. The ring was so tight and totally hurting him, but of course I had to get a picture first! I asked him to smile for the picture and he actually did!!! But then I told him to make his face look like he really felt, and this is what we got!

...it's OK to laugh...I did!!!

My "Andy"

A week ago, we went down to visit Daddy for a family dinner date. After our dinner we went to Target to let the kids burn off some energy walking around the store before our hour long drive home. Matt always loves to spoil the kids when he sees them because we don't get to spend as much time with him as we would like. While we were at Target, Tucker picked out this Buzz Lightyear and Addie picked out a stuffed dog. They each carried their new best friends around the store and neither of them wanted to put their toys on the conveyor belt to be scanned! On the way home they both fell asleep holding their new toys. Addie loves to sleep with a doll or animal so I put the dog in bed with her. Tucker asked for Buzz and even arranged the covers on him so that he was warm and comfy. I thought it was so cute that he was so attached to a toy that Matt bought him. It made me wonder if Andy was a real boy, would he have looked like Tucker did sleeping in his car seat?

Tucker, Addie & Assoc... The Next Generation

WHOA...hold up. I realized, now after putting that title in "black and white" that it might seem as though I have a "bun in the oven" or "with child" or "knocked up". None of those rumors are true. The Next Generation is strictly limited to the Tucker, Addie & Associates part of my life, meaning blogging! I'm considering the expansion of my blog life by adding a blog by Tucker. Today he got a gift from his Grandpa Gerry and Grandma June that makes me want to chronicle the days of his life through his eyes. They gave him a cool, kid camera and Tucker loves to take pictures. I think it would be hysterical to see what he sees, look at what he finds interesting and laugh at all the pictures that he takes of his shoes.

I haven't thought of a name for the blog yet, so if anyone has suggestions I would LOVE to hear them. I'm obviously looking for something funny and witty, so give me your best people! I hope to get lift-off on Tucker's blog as soon as I can get him to stop deleting all the pictures he takes!!!

I'm Bringin' Bloggin' Back...

Just to let you in on the secret...you are supposed to sing that title. Think Justin Timberlake...ha ha ha!! Now you get it! ...do a little dance in your seat while you sing...that's it...

I'm going to apologize to all my regular readers...oh, the disappointment of checking this damn blog every freakin' day in September. Only to find that we are still stuck on September 17th. Sorry! Now this lack of blog-a-rific-ness, is not due to a lack of stories or entertaining moments provided by the 3-and-under crowd. It is simply a lack of motivation, time, and discipline. I will not make excuses but will say that we attended 2 funerals, had a mommy/daddy vacation, and I sold $300.00 dollars worth of stuff in a consignment sale in the month of September...did I mention that Matt is gone Monday through Friday? Ok, well enough of the excuses I said I wasn't going to give....

This blog, if it were separate, was to be titled something like "A Penny Saved, Is A Penny Earned" or "Give a Penny, Take a Penny" (like at a mini-mart cash register) or maybe even "ONE PENNY??? WHAT THE F?" Now, I haven't actually decided which one I like the best, but after you hear this story, you might pick option 3.

Two weeks ago I get an email about Matt's student loan. I usually delete them because we do an auto-pay out of our account so Sallie Mae, and her entire greedy, bitchy family, is satisfied for the next 30 days. (Is it necessary to mention at this point in the blog how much I loathe Sallie Mae? Or did you get that memo?) Anyway, for whatever reason, I decided to actually check the email and I discovered that Matt's loan actually had a past due amount because the interest rate went up. Who knows how long ago that interest rate went up, but the bottom line is that the past due amount is something like $15 bucks. So no sweat, we aren't going to suffer a major loss this month to keep our bills in order. So since I have neglected my dear friend Sallie for so many months now, I decide to give her website a little looksie to make sure there isn't anything else that I've missed...like delinquency on her birthday card or something. At first I'm confused, then I'm astonished, them I'm elated. Matt's student loan is down to $85 bucks and some change!!! WHAT?? Could this news BE any better? I'm going to pay the whole damn thing off and never send Sallie another cent...(in Matt's name, anyway...she'll be hearing from me for a few more years still!!) So I get the 10 day pay-off amount and call our bank so that we can change the amount to meet the pay-off amount. The lady is super helpful and very excited with me that we are paying this off. So the big day was September 24th! The big PAY OFF DAY! Yippee!! September 24th, money sent. September 25th, Tami checks Sallie's website.....

Really? Seriously? Is this a joke? Come on, seriously? Ha Ha Ha. You aren't joking? No, no jokes? Okay. So you're sure, Sallie? Alright, well I'll get right on that, then. I'LL SEND YOU YOUR ONE GOD FORSAKEN, MOTHER-LOVIN' PENNY!!!!!!!

The website showed Matt's student loan balance as $00.01. HONESTLY? Isn't there a certain point where one F-ing penny is just a gimme? Couldn't Sallie dig way, deep down in her COUCH and just give us a pass on that one? The STAMP is going to amount to more than the debt we owe! I'm going to put a dime in an envelope and send it to Wilkes-Barr, PA and tell them to keep the change. Share the wealth, give it to some other student who owes ONE damn penny. And if Sallie is really feeling generous, she could pass the change on to my account. But who knows, by the time they charge the interest on that $00.01 balance, Matt just might owe $00.10. OR WORSE YET.....$00.11!!!!! HA!

In Preparation For Halloween...

Today Tucker went on a date with Grandma Michele. One of their stops was Michael's to pick up some craft things for making Halloween decorations. Tucker found some masks that he wanted to paint for our family...these were his picks.

Addie's Mask

Tucker's Mask

Daddy's Mask

Mommy's Mask

WTF? How do you really feel Tucker?

A Dear John Letter, of a different kind.

Dearest Captain John L. Hallett III,

I am writing this to you as a way to deal with what has happened. I can't begin to express how sad I am to know that you are gone. I am sad for your parents and brothers. I am sad for your unit who lost their leader. I am heartbroken for your beautiful, strong, and passionate wife, Lisa. I know, without doubt, you were her first love. You were her priority. You were her rock. You are, and always will be, hers. I nearly fall to pieces every time I think of your three beautiful children. They look like you John. They all do. You will be dearly missed, forever. Your children have really missed out on a opportunity to know a wonderful Daddy who would have led by example about how to love, lead and support a family the way you did.

I have never personally known a soldier to deploy and not come home. I know this happens every day, but never to me. You have changed me John. What has happened to you, has changed me. I am changing the way I look at that soldier's face in the paper. He's not just a face, another soldier. He is a son, husband, father, friend. I used to think that thinking of every soldier like that, so personally, would make you never read the paper or watch the news, too depressing. But John, they are just as real, just as loved and just as gone as you are. Now, I really look into the eyes of those faces in the paper and wish they were here just as much as I wish that for you. I know, now, what a loss that is for the family and friends of that soldier. I'm sorry to all the other brave soldiers who I have passed too quickly over their stories, never really looked at their faces, and never felt that deep sense of thankfulness for their service. But I do now, John. Thank you for that change in me.

I have not been taking deployments seriously. I have taken for granted that every soldier that I know who has deployed, has come home safe to his family and friends. I have not been writing the letters, sending the pictures and mailing snacks the way I should have been. You have taught me that this is not something to put off. I have already written one letter to our friend, who is in Iraq, since your passing. I'm gathering addresses of our other friends who are deployed. I will send letters. I will send the packages. I will, from now on. I will not make the foolish assumption that everyone gets their happily-ever-after redeployment ceremony with flag-waving family, friends, and children. Not all soldiers get to hear the band play while they march their last formation with the brothers they made in that war zone.

I feel tremendously guilty. Guilt beyond measure. This is guilt I've been dealing with since we separated from the Army. In the Army, there is a deep sense of brotherhood...but there is a opposite and equal force behind the Army known as the Army Wife. As an Army Wife, you will do anything for another Army Wife. You know who she is, without knowing a thing about her. The only thing you really need to find out is if any of your friends from previous posts are friends with her...because it's very likely. When you leave the Army, John, there is guilt. There is guilt for leaving the team. There is guilt for leaving your brothers and sisters (soldiers and spouses) of the Army to fight the good fight without you. I feel like we have left you and Lisa to fight the fight. You gave all to the fight. It's like there's a part of me that feels responsible for that. If we had stayed in, maybe Matt would have been on your flank...for better or worse. It's like this, I feel guilty that Lisa has to deal with all this and I don't have to. I know you would never wish us to go through this, John, but I can't help but wonder if this would have been us if the Army had given us Lewis like we so desperately wanted. We would have been right there with you.

You were only deployed a short time and your unit only had command about 2 weeks before you gave all. You must have been so excited and filled with pride to be leading your men as the Company Commander. Matt never got the opportunity to be in command, and I know it's the highlight of a Captain's duties. I'm sure your leadership, paired with compassion, made you a strong commander. It's a shame that the Army has lost a strong and dedicated soldier like you.

However, it's even more tragic that your wife and children have lost the commander of their

family.

You have left a hole in Lisa's heart that will never be filled. Your precious, beautiful, innocent children will not remember what a wonderful Husband and Daddy that you were. They will never get to do all the father/son and father/daughter rights of passage that we all take for granted. You were a great Daddy and your children will know your love through Lisa. I was at your house many times when you would come home from a long day, or even an entire week out in the field. You would come through the door, kiss Lisa, take off those stinky boots and lay on the floor, ACUs, dirt and sweat, and play with Jackson. You would play with him until you literally feel asleep right there on the floor. You gave your family every last bit of energy that the Army let you go home with. At the end of a long, hot, dusty, sweaty day in Louisiana, you still managed to make your family your first priority.

I will never forget the look on your face when you introduced me to your second son, Bryce.

YOU were laying in the hospital bed holding a bundle of blankets while Lisa was making herself beautiful in the bathroom. Jackson was running laps around the hospital room with handfuls of crackers trailing behind. You had a cheesy grin on your face like you had been caught lounging around, but the light in your eyes was unmistakable. You loved being a Daddy. That was something that nobody could deny. You were a great Daddy, John.

You gave your wife beautiful children, a loving home, and memories that she will cherish all the days of her life. You are everything that Lisa ever wanted. You should feel very proud.

Sacrifice, Service, Courage and Love. These are the words that I think of when I remember you. You have sacrificed everything. Your service went beyond all of our expectations and desires, yet we know you gave your life for the love of Army and our great country. Courage to leave your warm, loving home to fight, knowing you may never come home. Love. Your lasting legacy.

Thank you, John. Your life has changed mine, for the better. I appreciate your service, sacrifice, courage and bravery. You will be missed, but never forgotten.

With Gratitude,

Tami

John, Bryce and Jackson Hallett

Bryce, John and Jackson

Jackson, John, Lisa (pregnant with Heidi Vi) and Bryce

John's deployment day

John in Afghanistan

Heidi Vi Hallett. She was born August 2, 2009, just 23 days before John died. He never got to meet her. I think this is the most heartbreaking. John never smelled the sweet scent of his only daughter, never will get to be the first man to give her a bouquet of flowers, or watch her grow to be just like her wonderful Mommy.

Dearest Heidi Vi,

Your Daddy loved you beyond measure. I know this is true because your Mommy and Daddy always talked about how much they wanted a baby girl. I met your parents just after they had your biggest brother, Jackson. Even then, they knew they wanted a baby girl. Just to tell you how much they wanted you, I knew your name long before you ever were. They always wanted their little Heidi Hallett, and here you are beautiful. I know you will make your Daddy very proud and know just how proud he was to be a Daddy to his little girl.

To all of you reading this, take this with you in your heart from now on. Remember these tears. Remember this sadness when you start to fight with your spouse, when your kids are driving you bonkers, and when you see a soldier's face in the paper or on the news.

2 Things for 2 Friends

These are my wonderful friends Jen and Anna who used to live down the street from me in Hawaii, and now live far away from me. It makes me sad they live far away, but it makes me happy that they live near each other.

1. Yeah for Ya'll! Thank you so very, very much for the funny stories and happy thoughts. I needed them today and as always, you came through. I love you both dearly and miss you somethin' serious. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendship that has endured the time and miles. That is true friendship. Miss you, Friends.

2. Yeah for iphones!